Understanding Atmospheres
Have you ever really disliked someone and not really known why?
I mean, like, low-key wanted to throw them down a staircase?
I have a very discerning friend. One day, he asked me (with a cautious tone), “do you know anyone you really, REALLY want to reject but don’t know why? I do. And I can’t get over it.” I, being the judgy fellow I can be, asked my friend if he was talking about “so and so.” With enthusiasm he said, “YES!”
I knew EXACTLY who he was talking about, because I too had struggled with wanting to reject him. Ironically, this person was a friend. He was fun to hang out with, was insightful and generally kind, but reeked of rejection. It was as if he was walking around with a frequency screaming, “REJECT ME. DON’T LIKE ME.”
He was never one of my clients, and eventually we lost touch, so I don’t know if he still carries that atmosphere.
What I can tell you is that I use atmosphere discernment as a major component to my consulting.
Basically, it’s simple, I notice what changes when the person walks into the room. Here are a couple of examples:
I want to reject them
I feel critical or judgy
I feel freedom to be playful
I get lustful
I want to cry
I have a boost of insight or wisdom
I feel massive peace
I get angry
I feel insecure
There are more examples, but these are some of the majors ones. By noticing what my clients “are carrying,” I get insight into their life experiences, but also their personal strengths.
Atmospheres don’t have to be negative. Often, they are more complicated than just one frequency or influence. Many people carry a distinctly positive atmosphere (joy, peace, wisdom, hope, optimism, acceptance, unconditional love, etc.).
Regardless, by recognizing what changes in the atmosphere (upon their arrival) I am able to understand them more deeply. However, I can only do this if I am clear on my atmosphere first.
As you might imagine, I’m intentional about maintaining a default atmosphere. My default atmosphere is peaceful, hopeful, and accepting (like a labrador). Basically, I am broadcasting to others they are safe, valued, and enjoyed in my presence.
By being aware of my default atmosphere, I can be very discerning about recognizing someone else’s.
Once I recognize it, I can choose to agree with it or not. If it is negative, I choose NOT to engage with it (LOL. That sounds really obvious). I look past “what they are carrying” and to the person behind the atmosphere. For example, if someone carries rejection I actively choose not to agree with that assessment. I think to myself, “I’m not agreeing that you are rejectable. You likely got hurt at some point, or had experiences that taught you that you were going to rejected. I refuse to believe that. I accept you and enjoy you.”
By looking past their atmosphere I am able to enjoy the individual and see them as valuable. As they feel seen and safe, they often “drop” the negative atmosphere they’ve been carrying.
Typically, negative atmospheres are responses to pain. We get hurt, and we build up a defense system to prevent it from reoccurring. For example, if someone has been hurt by men (or their father), they will begin to assume that men are unsafe. They send out a frequency towards men that they are not welcome and not respected. It wards off unwanted attention. Unfortunately, it also wards off wanted attention.
Positive atmospheres can also be responses to experiences. Someone who is well treated, loved, and safe believes they will continue to be positively treated. They send out a signal that broadcasts, “enjoy me, enjoy you, there’s plenty to go around, I’m fun, I like your hat.”
As you can see, there are two sides to this coin: our atmosphere and the atmosphere of others.
For maintaining our atmosphere, I suggest that people consider themselves inside of an invisible silo. The silo has a force field surrounding it, and they can maintain any atmosphere they want within its borders. They can separate from others’ atmospheres if they desire. Or they can participate in a healthy atmosphere. But they never have to be off balance by someone else’s atmosphere.
For others’ atmospheres, I suggest being discerning. If someone has a particularly negative atmosphere, protect yourself with your own little “happy silo.” After you feel balanced, try to see past their “projections” and to the person hidden underneath. Generally, when we see the real person behind the “atmosphere frequency” we’ll encounter someone we like.
People are pretty wonderful. As mentioned previously, people carrying a negative atmosphere aren’t bad, but hurt. It also suggests they are tender; Why else build such a strong defense? It’s this mindset that allows me to get behind their unwelcoming atmosphere and engage with the person underneath.
For my final thought, I will leave you with a pearl of wisdom. Maybe more like a plastic bead of wisdom: recognizing atmospheres will change your life.
We spend a significant amount of time and energy trying to rebalance from atmospheres we aren’t even hosting (or aware of). By learning to cultivate a positive atmosphere, and becoming aware of others’ we can learn to live at peace.